Reddit user issued 'curfew' by roommate seeks advice for college sleep drama

A Reddit user who says she was given a “curfew” by her college roommate received reassurance from other people on Reddit that she should not have to abide by these rules because she’s an adult and can do what she wishes.

“I’m a freshman in college living in a dorm and got a randomly assigned roommate. We live very different lifestyles,” Reddit user “Tequilaandmayo” wrote in a post this week on the subreddit known as AITA (“Am I the A–hole”).

“I like to stay up late and sleep in late, and she likes to go to bed early and wake up early,” said the woman.

In the post, titled “AITA for not respecting my roommate’s curfew,” the woman wrote that she and her roommate had earlier agreed “that she could turn out the light at any point and I would be quiet after that.”

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Her roommate, she said, goes to sleep between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m, and “I often get ready for bed and [lie] in bed at these times out of respect.

“However, there are generally two (or) three nights a week, one of which is a weekday, that I stay up and out past this time.”

The Reddit user and her roommate (not pictured) have “very different lifestyles,” she said as she shared the personal dilemma she’s facing. (iStock)

When this happens, “I keep the light off and do nothing more than crawl into bed when I return home,” usually between midnight and 3 a.m.

Three weeks ago, Tequilaandmayo’s roommate, she said, “told me she doesn’t like me staying out late because it affects her sleep and that she wants me back by 12.”

Tequilaandmayo’s friends made fun of her for this — but even so, she said she “left parties, study sessions and hangouts early to get home on time” out of respect for her roommate’s wishes.

Things, however, came to a head earlier this week.

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“On Monday night I was out playing board games with friends and lost track of time. I noticed it was 12:30, and out of respect for her I decided to pull an all-nighter with my friends in the common room,” she said.

Tequilaandmayo wrote that she returned to her dorm room at 8:15 a.m. to get ready for the day and shower.

“However, I got an angry text later that day,” she shared, “calling me out for returning at 8:15, despite me doing my best to remain quiet and even not returning home at an unreasonable hour, as I would’ve been up at that time anyway.”

The two women were randomly assigned to the same dorm room (not pictured), and Reddit user Tequilaandmayo said she’d done her best to compromise and be courteous to her roommate’s sleep schedule. (iStock)

Tequilaandmayo added that she “responded and apologized for waking her up, but explained that I stayed out all night for her and I did nothing wrong. I also explained that while I was willing to compromise and be back most nights at midnight, as long as I was courteous, there would be nights I would come back later.”

Despite the apology, the roommate informed her that “she had scheduled a meeting with our [resident assistant] to mediate” the situation.

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“I honestly want to know if I’m in the wrong, she’s in the wrong, or if it’s just a bad situation,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “Any advice would be welcome, too. Thanks.”

Fox News Digital reached out to Tequilaandmayo for further comments or updates.

A marriage and family therapist told Fox News Digital that, given the available information, Tequilaandmayo’s roommate is the one in the wrong in this situation.

The roommates (not pictured) are soon going to have a meeting with their resident assistant to discuss the issue over nighttime habits and sleep times. (iStock)

“It is unreasonable for the author to have to compromise her desire to stay out late in order to accommodate her roommate,” Rachel Goldberg, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.

As both are first-year students in college, “this may be the roommate’s first experience dealing with conflicts over lifestyle choices outside of her family dynamic,” said Goldberg.

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“Currently, her approach seems to involve attempting to exert control — which is not conducive to healthy roommate dynamics or real-world problem solving.”

During the upcoming mediation, “the author should communicate to her roommate that while she will continue to be extremely quiet to respect her roommate’s need for sleep, she will not sacrifice her freedom to choose when she stays out late,” she said.

The roommate may have a sense of “envy or FOMO” at Tequilaandmayo for staying out late, said Goldberg, which could further influence her behavior.

“Finally, I would also ponder why the author has been so accommodating and whether she fears facing backlash or disappointing someone,” she said.

Reddit users largely agreed with Goldberg’s take, telling Tequilaandmayo that she’d been perfectly accommodating given the situation and that her roommate was not being fair.

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On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is “NTA” (“Not the A–hole”), “YTA” (“You’re the A–hole”), “NAH” (“No A–holes Here”) or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”).

Users can “upvote” responses they think are helpful and “downvote” ones that are not.

Readers of Reddit’s “AITA” subreddit overwhelmingly told Tequilaandmayo she was not wrong in this situation. (iStock)

More than 500 people replied to the post, with nearly all saying that Tequilaandmayo was “NTA” in this situation.

“Decidedly NTA. Your roommate is delusional. You are free to come and go as you please. You pay tuition, room and board just like your roommate does,” said Reddit user “Peony-Pony” in the top upvoted reply.

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The same user continued, “If your roommate thinks they can control what anyone else does, they are as unrealistic as they are entitled.”

Other people pointed out that the resident assistant might find the whole situation humorous.

“The RA is going to be laughing about this with the other RAs,” said Redditor “lilolememe” in another top comment.

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The roommate “cannot dictate when you can come home. If you stay out all night, it’s not her right to judge. You’re an adult, and you can do what you want.”

Lilolememe added, “Obviously, flipping the lights on and being loud is not allowed because you do have to honor quiet time.”

The commenter added that Tequilaandmayo is “being super courteous, and she’s being controlling.”

Wrote another Reddit user by the name of “Remember1959,” “Wish I could see the RA’s face when they hear this one … As others have said, your roommate is NOT your mother.”

For more Lifestyle articles, visit www.foxnews.com/lifestyle.

Christine Rousselle is a lifestyle reporter with Fox News Digital.

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